Some Personal News (I)

Why I write Dapur Saraswati and why I insist to continue writing it

This is the monthly edition of Dapur Saraswati — a newsletter from Prinka Saraswati, which you can read about here. If you like it and want more like it in your inbox, consider subscribing. Read last month’s newsletter here. For more recipes, follow Dapur Saraswati on Instagram.

Since last October, I’ve been writing this newsletter sporadically, weekly or monthly, as a sort of treat - and only when it felt good to write. This is why I never considered it as a side hustle or a burden. I think of this newsletter as a place for me to work out ideas - mostly my perspective on food.

I’ve been writing on the internet since 2010. From writing on my silly personal blog to writing for a column on a fashion brand website and sustainable fashion platform. Last month, the university where I got my undergraduate degree wrote to me about sharing my occupation with the students. That’s where I started re-evaluating why I write and why the hell I’m still writing. The answer is actually simple. It’s because I can’t picture myself doing anything else - except cooking, eating, and reading some traditional textile/jewelry articles.

I grew up in a house filled with traditional textiles collected by my mother, but the table was mostly adorned in food bought from warung or some days, there was not much to eat. Both of my parents worked, so if they didn’t get any food from warung, then I had to cook my own food. When they separated for quite a while, cooking became an escape for me. I made a lot of noise using cobek and ulegan or wajan (wok) to distract myself from them fighting endlessly or my mom’s sobbing in the room. The first thing I cooked was Tempe Penyet, complete with Sambal Bawang that turned out too sweet because I mistaken salt for sugar. It was terrible. So I wrote in my journal that I needed to add salt instead of sugar. I was 8. 

The habit of writing journals stopped when I was a teenager, so did my “recipes”. I just wanted to cook to release my disappointment, rage, and anger. It was a way for me to console myself with something tasty or even weird but tasty (Such as: Omelette with Condensed Milk). I could forget that my whole house was basically a warzone. That I’d stop crying when I tasted good food that I cooked myself. It was true. Emotional cooking worked.

I slowly picked up my habit of writing recipes around 7 years ago. Around that time I started to stay at friends’ places one after another, then moved out of the house. #DapurSaraswati was the hashtag I used to post my food on Twitter - to separate it from other meme-related tweets. Last year, after some support from a dear friend, I created a food journal on Instagram. The goal was to write and share my recipes. Sometimes I tell stories of my childhood, but these days I am no longer inflamed with disappointment and anger. I knew it from the way I wrote it. I knew it from the way I see my parents today - as their own person, instead of father or mother. 

So it was emotional to me when I received messages from readers or followers. They follow my instagram account and newsletter because they want to connect to their parents, grandparents, culture; their roots. My readers spread from Indonesia, Germany, England, to United States. Some of them are immigrants and descendants of Indonesian immigrants. Like me, at the moment, writing and cooking Indonesian food all the way from United States. It seems like cooking has anchored us in the midst of longing. Whether we’re longing for inner peace or reconnection to our grandparents, parents, and culture. 

I never expected that they (or you) would share and cook the recipes I shared, in a way that helped you to trace back certain memories and learn the collective knowledge shared amongst many Indonesians. This was why I started to write the recipes in both Indonesian and English. I want it to be accessible by both Indonesians and Indonesian descents in many parts of the world. I want to make it easier for you to find nutmeg or Daun Salam in the midst of the abundant spice rack of an Asian grocery. I want you to not having to always translate every single spice for the sake of cooking your favorite meal cooked by your mother or grandmother. I want to share some grocery stores that have Indonesian spice in their secret racks. I want to help you to find accessible substitutes when you’re disappointed that the nearest grocery store doesn’t carry ingredients like Kemiri (candlenut) or Kecap Manis.  I want you to have a little anchor despite the restless storm of identity and transitions. 

I want you to taste home.

Because I’ve always been longing for home too. 

And I’ll be glad if I could continue writing this newsletter; sharing recipes, and ideas. However, with my main job at the moment as a copywriter and writer, finding the peaceful time to write my mind out is not an easy thing to do. I’ve been taking it slow from weekly to monthly posts. Simply because I need to pitch articles, write some drafts, do some research, conduct meetings or interviews, and write for paid gigs. I’ve been figuring out how to make this newsletter lighter so I can post weekly or bi-weekly, with occasional in-depth articles and interviews. I know that most of the articles here are those that need long research and fact checks. But I’m very wary of monetizing a side gig and something that I love to do. Especially doing a paywall, which I think is not the solution to this. So, I’ve been bouncing off the boundaries of what’s possible for this newsletter. 

To deliver in-depth feature articles, interviews, and recipes with background history (something you’d expect from me).

To pay illustrators or photographers to accompany the articles.

To continue building a community of readers whose trust sustains me to write something worth reading. 

I’m still writing more ideas of what you can expect from me. So this list is continued. I’m trying to come up with something to pitch to you. 

Something that you can always expect from me

To get through the complexity of historical fact checks and data, instead of running away from it. 

To always be honest.

To accept that I’m wrong when I make mistakes.

This is the environment that I want to cultivate. A relationship between the writer and the readers. I will be sharing what I’ll come up with within a month or 3 months from now.

Please share your thoughts below! It will be so lovely to hear from your perspective as readers. Terima kasih!

Rahayu,

Prinka Saraswati of Dapur Saraswati